Why connection matters for wellbeing in a care home
Moving into a care home is a significant change for an older person. Daily routines are likely to be different, with new spaces and faces to get used to. During this time, staying connected with family/whānau and friends can provide comfort and reassurance, helping them feel supported as they settle into their new environment.
Regular contact helps to reassure your relative that they are still very much a part of the family/whānau and the moments that matter. Continued connection also supports their overall wellbeing by helping them feel:
- Included in family/whānau life - even when they are no longer living at home.
- Recognised as the same person - with a life history, relationships, and interests beyond their care needs.
- Emotionally secure - through familiar voices, faces, and shared experiences.
- Grounded and reassured - by staying connected to everyday family/whānau news, humour, and routines.
For many residents, this ongoing connection provides a sense of continuity, a reminder that while their living situation has changed, their place in the family/whānau has not.
Staying connected through what feels familiar
When someone moves into a care home, it can help to focus on the natural interactions in your relationship. Familiar ways of spending time together often provide comfort and a sense of closeness and continuity, especially during periods of adjustment.
Examples of this might include:
- Spending time together in everyday ways, such as sitting with a cup of tea, reading the newspaper, or enjoying a walk through the care home gardens.
- Sharing familiar history and interests, such as looking through photo albums, talking about family/whānau news, or watching a favourite programme together.
- Keeping in touch by phone, particularly if your relative enjoys hearing your voice or finds in-person visits tiring some days.
- Sending letters, cards, or printed photos, which they can hold onto and revisit when they’re needing a sense of connection with you.
- It can also be helpful to talk with the care home team about daily routines, so you can align visits and phone calls to make your time together feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible.
You can also read our tips for visiting a care home for more ideas.
Using technology to connect if you cannot visit in person
If visiting in person is not always possible, technology can help you stay present and connected. For many family/whānau, phone and video calls become a way of sharing faces, voices, and small everyday moments, regardless of distance.
For some older people, seeing familiar faces on a video call can feel reassuring, even if it’s just a quick chat or catch up. Others may prefer a phone call, where they can simply listen to your voice. There is no “right” way to keep in touch — the important thing is what works best for you and your relative.
A few simple considerations can help your relative stay connected through using technology:
- Using a device they already recognise, with a screen size they can see comfortably.
- Agreeing on a time for calls makes them part of a routine, which can feel reassuring.
It’s also a good idea to talk to the care home team about the practicality of phone and video calls, for example, whether your relative answers independently or may need reminders at certain times.
If your relative is living with dementia, technology can still support connection, even if the way you communicate has changed. Short, calm calls can work well, and seeing familiar faces can provide reassurance.
Meaningful shared moments (ideas for spending time together)
Staying connected does not always rely on conversation. For many, connection feels strongest when there is something simple to do together, especially if your relative has limited energy or finds talking more difficult.
Shared activities can help time together feel natural and familiar, without pressure to “fill the space” or keep conversation going. These moments often reflect how you spent time together before the move into care.
During visits, meaningful shared moments might include:
- Looking through photos or albums together, allowing memories or recognition to surface in their own way.
- Watching a favourite TV programme, sports match, or regular show you used to enjoy together.
- Listening to music that has personal meaning, such as favourite songs.
- Reading short items aloud, like a newspaper article, a magazine piece, or a letter from home.
- Doing light, familiar activities, such as simple crafts, folding, sorting, or gardening.
- Taking a stroll outside at a comfortable pace.
If your relative is living with dementia, connection may come through familiarity rather than discussion. A simple memory book, well-known topics, or reassurance-focused conversation can help them feel settled and supported.
Where possible, involving wider family/whānau can help maintain a sense of family/whānau life. Rotating visits or including younger members of your family/whānau in calm, low-key ways can help them feel included without becoming overwhelming.
Working with the care home team to support connection
Staying connected is often easier when you work alongside the care home team and share what matters most to your relative. You know them best, and sharing even small insights with the team can help their everyday interactions with your relative feel more familiar and meaningful.
It is okay to ask what supports connection well within daily routines, and what the team can reasonably accommodate. These conversations are about helping visits and methods of contact fit flexibly around care needs, routines, and energy levels.
You may find it helpful to:
- Ask about the best times to visit or call, taking into account rest periods and mealtimes.
- Let the care home team know how your relative communicates best, particularly if they become tired or overwhelmed at certain times of day.
Some family/whānau choose to create a simple “map of life”. This is a short summary of what matters most, including important relationships, interests, routines, and values. It can support more personal, meaningful interactions when family/whānau is not present.
If you are finding it difficult to connect or if something does not feel right, raising this with the care home team allows them to support you and adjust where possible.
Common challenges and suggestions for how to respond
It is normal for your relationship to change a little once your relative is living in a care home. Health changes, tiredness, or shifts in communication can all affect how time together feels.
Common challenges can include:
- Changes in memory or communication, particularly when dementia or cognitive changes are involved. In these moments, connection often works best when language is kept simple and unhurried. Many find it more helpful to focus on reassurance and emotional warmth, rather than correcting details or filling gaps in conversation.
- Lower energy, pain, or sensory changes can make longer conversations more difficult. Choosing quieter spaces, keeping interactions relaxed, and checking practical supports such as hearing aids or glasses can help time together feel more comfortable.
- Fluctuating engagement, where your relative may seem withdrawn, tired, or less responsive on some days. On these occasions, quiet company, shared music, or simply being physically present can still be meaningful.
- Distance or competing responsibilities, which can limit how often you can visit. Maintaining connection may involve combining visits with short phone calls, photos, or letters, helping them feel connected to everyday life.
Building a sustainable routine for connection
Staying connected is often easier with the rhythm that routine can provide. Routine helps your relative know when to expect a call or visit, and it can also help to reduce pressure by making connection feel manageable over time.
Rather than focusing on long or “perfect” visits, many find it helps to agree on a routine that fits everyone’s lives. This might include:
- A regular visit, such as weekly or fortnightly, depending on what feels manageable.
- Short calls or messages in between, to maintain a sense of everyday connection.
- Sharing involvement across family/whānau, so one person is not carrying the full responsibility.
As your relative’s needs change, or as your own circumstances shift, it is okay to revisit what works and adjust. Resources from various organisations can also help with ideas for sharing the load and maintaining connection.
Taking the next step
If you’re not sure what staying connected can look like in your situation, start small. A short visit, a phone call at the right time of day, or bringing a photo album can be enough to rebuild a sense of closeness. Over time, many find a routine that feels natural, even if it looks different than it used to.
At Bupa, we encourage staying connected with the people who matter, which is why friends and family/whānau are welcome to visit. When you’re ready, you can also use our visiting tips to plan comfortable visits and talk with the care home team about what works best around your relative’s routines.