What to expect before, during and after the move
Before the move
For many family/whānau, conversations about moving into aged care begin after an unexpected health event, hospital stay, or when care needs at home become harder to manage. This can make the decision feel rushed, or emotionally overwhelming.
Where possible, involving your relative in decision-making can help ease anxiety. This might include:
- Visiting the care home together
- Meeting the care home team
- Choosing personal items to bring to the care home
- Talking about what daily life might look like
Some family/whānau also find a gradual approach helpful. A respite or short-term stay can reduce anxiety and fear of the unknown and allow everyone time to adjust before a permanent move, if this option is available.
Move-in day
Move-in day can feel both busy and emotional, often bringing a mix of relief and sadness. Keeping the day calm can help your relative feel more settled.
It can help to:
- Limit the number of people involved
- Arrive earlier in the day so there’s time to settle
- Unpack familiar and essential items first, such as photos or bedding
Using a move-in checklist can also ease some of the logistical pressure on the day itself.
The first weeks and first review
In the first weeks after moving into a care home it can be common for your relative to experience feeling unsettled. Some people may voice they wish to go home, feel low in mood, or show changes in appetite or sleep, especially if they are living with dementia.
Most people take several weeks, and sometimes a few months, to feel more at ease. The care home team will organise a meeting with family/ whanau following admission (at approximately three weeks) to review the care plan, discuss what’s working and what could be adjusted.
Considering a respite stay or gradual transition
Respite or short stays as a trial
Respite care or a short stay can be a helpful way to experience life in a care home before a permanent move, if this option is available.
A short stay can:
- Reduce anxiety for your relative and your family/whānau
- Help everyone understand routines and daily life
- Provide a break for family/whānau caregivers
Respite care often forms part of a wider care journey and may follow a needs assessment. Speaking with the care home team can help clarify how respite fits into longer term planning and what options may be available.
How to make your relative’s new space feel like home
Personal items and familiar routines
Personal, familiar belongings play an important role in comfort and identity and can help your relative feel safe and grounded.
Consider bringing:
- Photos and keepsakes
- Favourite bedding or cushions
- Books, music or ornaments
- Cultural or spiritual items
Meaningful/everyday routines can also continue, such as listening to the radio in the morning, or enjoying an evening cup of tea. It’s also important to check with the care home about what can be safely brought in, especially furniture or electrical items.
Honouring your relative’s identity and culture
Sharing your relative’s background helps the care team connect with them as a person, not just through their care needs. This might include:
- Past work, interests, hobbies or achievements
- Languages spoken
- Cultural beliefs or faith practices
- Important family/whānau connections
At Bupa, we encourage family/whānau to share this information to support personalised care. For Māori, Pasifika, and other ethnicities, maintaining connection to culture, spirituality, and community can be an important part of feeling respected and at home.
Staying connected and encouraging social connection
Care Home activities
Care homes offer activities designed to support wellbeing and connection. Family/whānau can talk with the activities coordinator about their relative’s interests and how these can continue.
Activities may include:
- Gardening or gentle exercise
- Music or crafts
- Faith-based or cultural groups
- Dementia-friendly activities
Like most care homes, at Bupa we adapt activities to enable residents to take part in ways that suit their abilities, mobility, or cognitive needs.
Friendships and community
Shared meals and regular activities can help your relative form friendships and feel a sense of belonging. Some people enjoy group activities, while others prefer quieter time or one-on-one interactions.
You can encourage participation by:
- Visiting during an activity and joining in together
- Encouraging, but not pressuring, involvement
Settling in does not have to mean joining everything. Quiet time is just as important.
Staying connected with family/whānau and friends
Family/whānau connection can provide reassurance and comfort. Short, regular visits often work better than longer, less frequent ones.
Other ways to stay connected include:
- Phone calls or letters
- Shared photos or simple video calls
- Drawings, photos or recorded messages from grandchildren
Some family/whānau find it helpful to create simple routines, such as a weekly call or regular updates from home. We also have an article that provides tips for families/whānau and friends visiting someone in a care home.
Staying connected and encouraging social connection
Finding a visiting routine that works
Many family/whānau wonder how often they “should” visit. There is no single right answer, and it may change over time.
In the early weeks, short, regular visits can be reassuring. Over time, visits can be spaced in a way that supports both your relative’s independence and your own wellbeing.
If visits seem overwhelming for your relative, it’s okay to adjust. The care home team can often share helpful insights into how your relative responds after visits.
Coping with guilt and mixed emotions
Feelings of guilt, sadness or doubt are common after a relative moves into a care home. Many family/whānau worry they have let their relative down, even if the move was clearly needed.
It can help to remember that moving into a care home is often an act of care for a relative, providing:
- 24/7 support
- Social connection
- Safety and quality of life that may no longer be possible at home
Talking openly with family/whanau, friends, or the care home team can help, along with seeking additional support from counsellors or caregiver support services.
When to seek extra support or advocacy
Sometimes extra support is needed, especially if you’re worried about dignity, safety or the quality of care your relative is receiving.
A good first step is to speak with the care home general manager or clinical manager and request a care plan review for your relative. Many concerns can be resolved through open communication.
You may wish to consider:
- Reaching out to independent advocacy services which can help family/whānau understand their rights and options. Advocacy is about improving communication and outcomes and ensuring your relative’s safety and comfort.
- Making a complaint with the Health and Disability Advocacy Service. When you use a health or disability service in New Zealand you have the protection of the Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers’ Rights. An independent Commissioner and staff promote and protect these rights under the Health and Disability Commissioner Act 1994;
Taking the next step
It is important to remember you’re not alone in this transition. Care home teams support residents and their family/whānau through the settling-in period, with regular check-ins and a willingness to adjust care and routines.
Staying in touch with the care home team, asking questions and sharing feedback can help your relative feel supported and understood. Making use of activities, family/whānau events and respite options can also ease the transition.
If you’re earlier in the journey, you may find it helpful to explore our where to start page. There’s also an article about having compassionate conversations about care with an ageing relative. Alternatively, you can contact your local Bupa care home to talk through your options - our team will be happy to answer questions.