Care Options

Community care assessment – Each District Health Board has a Needs Assessment and Services Coordination team (NASC) who provide in-home care assessments. Your GP can refer you or you can content them directly.

Helpful equipment – If you are caring for someone living with dementia, one major cause of concern and stress you may have is the fear of them wandering and becoming injured. To help manage this, you can place discreet sensors at strategic points in the home. These will automatically raise an alert if activated, and can be a huge help for you to get a good night’s sleep. To find out more phone us on 0800 60 80 99.

At our care homes, we provide personal care in a comfortable and safe setting. We give ample opportunity to take part in activities, make new friends and offer peace of mind for all. Usually, people prefer to be gradually introduced to a care home. Most Bupa care homes offer day programmes, respite or short-term stays. View our map to find a care home that provides dementia care.

For more information, download the Understanding Dementia booklet for advice on everything from different types of dementia, through to tips on caring for someone living with dementia, thinking about a care home and taking care of yourself in your role as a care

Everyone’s experience of dementia will be different, so it can be quite unpredictable. It’s important to know that if you are looking after someone living with dementia you are not alone and that there are people and organisations who can offer support.

As the mental abilities of your loved one declines, they may begin to feel vulnerable and in need of reassurance and support. You can help by making sure that they retain their sense of identity and self-worth and keep them as fit and healthy as you can.

Below is some practical advice for day-to-day living on a variety of useful subjects. Remember, if you need more help you can talk directly with our experienced dementia advisors on 0800 DEMENTIA (0800 336 368).

The main thing to focus on is that your relative enjoys their food and eats a healthy, well-balanced diet.

Quick tips to help your relative with dementia eat and drink:

• Allow plenty of time; meals should be relaxed and unhurried.
• Remove distractions like television or radio noise.
• It’s better to concentrate on offering favourite foods your relative will enjoy.
• If a meal you prepared isn’t eaten, try not to get annoyed. Simply ask why, there may be a simple reason.
• If your relative is agitated or distressed, wait until they are calmer before offering food or drink.
• Be mindful of hot drinks, they may not be able to judge temperature.
• Serve small portions. You can always serve more if you need to.
• Plain plates make it easier for your relative to identify the food on it.
• If there’s difficulty with cutlery, you can help with prompting by guiding their hand to their mouth.
• Finger foods are great for when coordination becomes tough.
• Describe the food you’re offering your relative to help remind them of tastes and flavours.
• Eat with your relative. It may help them to copy your actions, like using a knife and fork.
• Leave snacks such and fruits and biscuits around the house to eat.
• A wipe-clean tablecloth makes any mess much easier to clean up.

Quick tips to help support your relative with dementia dress and undress:

• Allow plenty of time so you’re not rushed.
• Offer simple choices like, “Would you prefer your red jumper or your blue jumper?” Too many options might be confusing.
• Remember to keep mistakes in perspective; does it really matter that their buttons aren’t fastened correctly, or that their top doesn’t go with their skirt?
• Lay clothes out in the order they should be put on.
• If your relative requires instructions on how to dress, keep them short and simple.
• Try to maintain little memory triggers like jewellery they like to wear or if they keep a handkerchief in their pocket.
• Changing fastenings from buttons and zips to Velcro and elastic makes things easier.
• Label different drawers and cupboards with names and pictures of the clothes inside them.

A trip to the hairdresser or the barber is good as it could be something your relative did regularly that they recognise and enjoy. As dementia progresses, you may want to organise for a hairdresser or manicurist to come to the house.

Quick tips to help your relative with dementia groom themselves:

• Explain to your relative what you’re doing at each stage. Imagine how frightening it’d be if someone came toward you with scissors and no explanation.
• It’s good to keep them involved with decisions. But offer simple options like choosing between two nail colours.
• If your relative is enjoying it, make the experience as pleasurable as possible by offering a scalp or hand massage.
• Remember the toenails. Overly long or neglected toenails are painful and make it difficult to walk.
• If your relative is being looked after someone else, like a hairdresser, make sure you use the time to relax.

Quick tips to help your relative with dementia wash:

• Encourage you relative to continue with their routines for as long as possible.
• Supporting them to do as much as they can, like drying, helps to preserve their dignity and independence.
• It’s good to keep them involved with decisions. Ask your relative if they’d like bubble bath or not.
• Explain everything you’re doing. Imagine having your head unexpectedly doused in water.
• If you’re washing hair, a hand-held showerhead may work best.
• Check the bathroom floor isn’t slippery.
• Make sure the room is warm before they undress.
• Be mindful that the water temperature isn’t too hot or too cold.
• Making light of any awkwardness may make you both feel better.
• Thorough drying is crucial to prevent sores or chaffing. Allowing them to sit for a while in an absorbent towel or bathrobe can be helpful.
• If your relative spends a lot of time sitting or lying in bed, check for pressure sores or red areas while they’re undressed.
• Be organised. Having everything you need on hand before you start avoids unnecessary stress.
• As dementia progresses, washing becomes more about hygiene than appearance. So if your relative doesn’t wash every day, it’s not the end of the world.

Here’s some equipment you might find useful:

• Grab rails to help get in and out of the bath.
• Handrails installed on the wall near the washbasin, shower or toilet.
• Non-slip mats in the bathroom and shower.
• Seats to go into the shower.
• Raised toilet seats.

Most of us consider the bathroom a private place. It’s understandable that your relative may be unwilling for you to undress or bathe them. You too may feel uncomfortable. Allowing a little privacy could help both of you. Try doing some of these things:

• Leave the room while your relative gets undressed or put them into a dressing gown as you walk with them to the bathroom.
• Only uncover the part of the body that you’re washing to help overcome embarrassment.
• Let your relative step into the bath wrapped in a towel.
• Install a thermostatic valve so they can run their own bath without scalding themselves.

Continence problems tend to arise if your relative forgets where the toilet is, has mobility issues, depression, difficulty arranging clothes or mistaking other items, such as bins, for the toilet.

Quick tips to help your relative with dementia use the toilet:

• Leave the toilet door ajar so your relative may see inside.
• Remind them where the toilet is. A picture of a toilet on the door can be helpful.
• Installing handrails makes getting on and off the toilet easier.
• Make sure clothes are easy to undo. Velcro makes a convenient replacement for zips and buttons.
• Moist toilet tissues make wiping a lot easier.
• Make sure the toilet is well lit and warm.
• Regularly remind your relative to go to the toilet.
• Watch for signs that your relative needs to use the toilet, like fidgeting or pulling at clothes.
• Generally, a person needs to urinate every three to four hours. Encouraging your relative to go more often than this can lead to bladder control problems.
• Try to establish a routine of going to the toilet before getting dressed or going to bed.
• Make sure your loved has plenty to drink during the day, but reduce fluids in the evening.
• If the toilet is upstairs or difficult to get to, a commode as a last resort could be useful. 

Feelings like these are normal. If you experience them, remember that you could be under a huge amount of stress and in need of emotional support too.

Quick tips to help your relationship with your relative with dementia:

• Don’t bottle things up. Talk about your feelings to friends, family or even others dealing with the same experience. The Carers NZ website has an array of information, help and advice you may need.
• Take time out. Having a quick chat or a cup of tea with a friend each day will help you cope.
• If you’re feeling particularly low, make sure that you see your GP.

Changes to the way your relative responds to you can also be difficult. They may not remember the things you do for them, or your last visit. They may say or do things that you find extremely hurtful. You should remember:

• Try not to take it personally. They’re probably feeling confused and frightened.
• Write down visits and outings that have happened and when the next ones are.
• Use labelled photos of family members and regular visitors. Photos of people at younger ages may be easier for your relative to recognise in the later stages of dementia.

The whole family can be affected by the challenging situations that dementia creates. While you may want to protect younger members from the situation, it’s important that you explain what’s going on. Approaching this honestly and reassuringly may help encourage them to talk about their own feelings.

Reading facial expressions and body language can hint toward how they’re feeling. Using angry gestures and being unwilling to do something or smiling and being calm may be their way of communicating.

Difficulties with communication can be upsetting and frustrating for your relative and for those around them. There are lots of ways to help you understand each other.

Quick tips to help communicate with your relative with dementia:

• Listen carefully to them and get their full attention before you speak.
• Use physical contact; hold their hand where appropriate.
• Speak clearly, slowly and simply.
• Don’t bombard them with lots of questions.
• Show respect and patience, not frustration or annoyance.
• Try to laugh with your relative about misunderstandings.

Working out the cause of this is helpful. It’s unlikely to be the disease that’s causing your relative to be difficult. Think about whether your relative may be feeling:

• Frustrated: do they want to do something and are unable to do it?
• Anxious: could they be feeling insecure and worried?
• Misunderstood: are they trying to follow habits of a lifetime even though the time and place may be inappropriate?
• Annoyed at being unable to make themselves understood.
• Feeling intruded upon in regards to private actions, such as going to the toilet or bathing.
• Startled by a sudden approach.
• Pain or discomfort.
• Frightened or confused.

Quick tips to help deal with the responses of a relative living with dementia:

• Don’t take it personally; consider what they’re thinking or experiencing.
• Ask them questions to help you understand.
• Don’t react, be aggressive or loud in return.
• If it’s safe to do so, leave the room or give them space.
• Don’t tell your relative of their failings or mistakes because they will neither recall or believe.
• Don’t dwell on the situation and don’t punish your relative for their responses.
• Provide lots of reassurance by talking, hand-holding or cuddling if appropriate.
• Never engage in confrontation or contradiction.
• Minimise using ‘should’, ‘must’ and ‘have to’ as these create pressure and conflict.

If you’re worried about your relative’s responses, a referral to a specialist, such as a psychiatrist, community psychiatric nurse or psychologist specialising in older people who will provide advice and support.

Quick tips on keeping active with your relative with dementia:

• Walking, even short ones are a great and adaptable way to exercise.
• Swimming can be calming and soothing.
• Local classes that you and your relative can attend may be available.

It may be important to your relative to continue with social and community activities they already enjoy. Perhaps they've always gone to church, liked going to the pub or attending a community group. Your relative may feel quite daunted at the prospect of activities, but if it is what they've always done, you should encourage them to continue without being too forceful.

If your relative finds it easier to talk about the past or there are items they enjoy reminiscing about, you could keep them together in a box to use when there’s a lull in conversation. Younger relatives or old friends might also enjoy doing this with them to give you a break.

Always remember, whatever you do it’s about just enjoying the activity together.

Your relative could lose the ability to tell the difference between what is real and what is on screen, and can become distressed. Too much noise can also be confusing to your relative.

Quick tips on using TV and radio around your relative with dementia:

• Try turning the TV and radio off, particularly when your relative is doing other things.
• Try different stations, such as finding old movies, history programmes, or a golden oldies radio station.
• Try watching television together, choosing programmes with small sections of action or humour.
• Try DVDs or CDs of programmes or music from their younger days.

Encourage family members to bring old photos or objects to prompt memories and shared reminiscences.

If your relative finds it distressing to spend time with other family or friends they no longer recognise, they can still help in other ways such as shopping or cooking.

Bed occupancy sensor
This sensor is inconspicuous and goes underneath the mattress. It’s programmed to alert you if your relative has left their bed and not returned in a pre-set amount of time (like 10 minutes for a bathroom visit), or hasn’t got out of bed after a certain time in the morning.

Pressure mat sensor
This can be placed in a range of locations, like at the front, back or bathroom door, in front of a favourite chair or beside the bed. Once pressure is detected, you’ll know if your relative has entered or exited a particular area in the house.

Property exit sensor
Triggered by opening a door, this alerts you if your relative is exiting a room or leaving the house.

To find out more, phone us on 0800 33 63 68.

• Memory joggers such as notice boards, large or talking clocks.
• Mobility aids such as wheelchairs, walking frames, stair lifts or hand rails.
• Continence aids such as raised toilet seats, bed pans, commodes and pads.
• Washing aids such as walk-in or sit-in showers, bath seats or hoists.
• Specialist cutlery, cups or crockery to help your relative feed themselves for as long as possible.
• Medication aids such as tablet boxes with sections for each day of the week and times of the day.
• Devices to control the temperature of hot water and restricted flow taps.

Your Needs Assessor or GP can make a referral for these.

There are many different types of help available from various places. It’s good to start with contacting your local Alzheimer's NZ branch, Dementia NZ branch, Age Concern, Carers NZ or your local Bupa care home. Your GP or medical specialist is also a valuable assistant.

Types of help can include:

• Home care workers to help with personal care such as getting your relative up in the morning, washing, dressing and putting them to bed at night.
• Day care may be available at a local care home.
• Private care. You may be able to arrange private domestic or personal care support through a nursing or home care agency.
• Respite care: a short break for your relative in a local care home.
• Home care like help with washing, ironing and vacuuming.

Your GP can refer you for a needs assessment or you can <contact the service directly>. This assessment is carried out in your home so the needs assessor can see as much as you can. 

There is sometimes a charge for certain care services and to arrange for those services your relative often has to have their finances assessed.

Resurrecting memories and reminiscing is an important way of communicating and bonding. Thinking now about how much you know about your relative will help you to capture their memories and achievements.

The closer your relationship is with your relative, the more you’re likely to know about them. Knowing their preferences and perceptions will become even more important as their dementia increases.

Do you know:

• What food they like the most?
• What their favourite song is?
• What their favourite activity/hobby is?
• What they consider their biggest achievement in life?
• What they most value in people?
• What annoys them most?
• What their favourite childhood memory is?
• What place in the world they would most like to visit?
• What makes them laugh?
• What makes them sad?

Here are some useful tips for compiling your relative’s memories:

• Do they have any certificates, trophies or medals that they’re proud of?
• Are they a hoarder of keepsakes? Perhaps they have letters, concert programmes or birthday cards that are special to them.
• Ask what they were good at when they were at school? Do they still have school reports or school work in their possession?
• Ask them if they were ever a collector, or perhaps they still are? It could involve stamps, magazines or coins.
• Ask to see family albums and copies of photographs that reflect your relative’s life milestones, like a new house, a wedding or the arrival of a much-loved pet.

Some interesting facts about memory:

• Research suggests that women have memories from earlier in their lives than men.
• 60% of our top memories date from when we’re aged between 15 and 30 years-old. This is known as the ‘Reminiscence Bump’.
• Memories triggered by scent have a stronger emotional connection and therefore appear more intense than others.

The simple things are important:

• Getting enough rest
• Eating well
• Taking breaks from caring
• Fresh air and exercise
• Support from others to ease pressure, frustrations and general ability to cope
• Checking whether you’re entitled to benefits

You’re entitled to a carer's assessment to identify ways you can be helped.

The Carers NZ website has an array of information, help and advice you may need.

Respect and patience are hugely important

By remembering that the disease isn't their fault, you may find it easier to be sympathetic and patient. Try to be positive and let them know how important they are to you.

“It’s nice to be treated like everybody else and not feel separated.” 
- John, living with dementia

Be a good listener

Make time to listen carefully and allow your relative time to explain. Dementia makes it harder to process information and communicate. Often they just need a chance to express how they feel, rather than looking for practical solutions. 

“You need to let the person think. The answers don’t come as quickly as they used to.” 
- Leslie, living with dementia

Communicate clearly and calmly

Taking time and making eye contact can make a big difference to a conversation. Wait for signs that your relative has understood you. Non-verbal communication is very important too, especially if they’re losing their language skills.

“Because I forget quite quickly what people have said, I tend to get off track. I like it if the person brings me back.” 
- John, living with dementia

Little things mean a lot – stay in touch

Losing touch with friends can have a huge impact. Keep in touch, even in a small way; it shows you care. If you can’t be there, a postcard, letter, email or text can still let someone know you’re thinking of them. Brief and frequent is better than a long letter twice a year.

Offer practical help

Helping your relative tackle something on their “to do” list or running an errand could be useful. If they’re dependent on a carer at home, giving that carer some time out is good.

Organise a treat

We all like to be spoiled; it leaves us with a nice feeling and a welcome break from everyday routine.

Help different family members in different ways

Different family members will be affected in different ways, from emotional to practical impacts. A caring ear or helping hand can often be very welcome.

• It’s unsafe for them to be alone.
• They need increased physical support from you.
• They’re becoming too much for you to look after.
• They’re becoming confused or frustrated to the point of being upset or aggressive.

At our care homes, we’ll provide your relative with personal care in a comfortable and safe setting. We also give ample opportunity to take part in activities, make new friends and offer peace of mind for all.

Here, you’ll find a map of our care homes.

It’s very common to feel guilty, anxious, relieved or worried. It’s important not to be too hard on yourself as this a completely natural reaction. You need to remember, what you’re doing for your relative is what’s best for them right now. Talk to our carers, your GP, family and friends for moral support, but what you may need most is time to adjust to this transition.

If your relative is in the later stages of their illness, our long-term residential care will provide them with the personal care, comfort and companionship that could improve their quality of life.

You can help our care home team with your personal knowledge coupled with our care experience makes for a great team to provide the best care for your relative.

When your relative moves to one of our care homes, bring along someone who knows them well. Also, let your relative express their own views and feelings, even if they weren’t what you were expecting, and try not to contradict them. If necessary, you can share your personal understanding with our team members after the meeting or in a letter.

Together, we’ll sit down and write a personal care plan that includes your relative’s needs, preferences and abilities. We’ll regularly review the care plan together as their needs change.